| the Biography of Greg
Pittman (as told by Juston Hairgrove): Gregory Allen Pittman: a man with no past fights to save the future! Starring Eric Stoltz, rated PG-13. Greg led an idyllic if somewhat uneventful life in South San Antonio up until April 21, 2000. On that night, while sneaking back into his room after a late night out, he met future Greg… a man claiming to be him from the year 2036. Future Greg told little Greg that if he did nothing to counteract the musical and pop-cultural trends already in motion the future would be very bleak indeed. Future Greg warned that the world of 2036 is a Ecumenopolis made up primarily of malls connected by subterranean tunnels… the holy trinity of guitar, bass, and drums is cast down in favor of sampling… all wireless headsets for cell phones are outfitted with a bypass for iPod earbuds, that way no one ever has to remove them from their ears and take note of what is going on around them… all music is written/assembled by producers and then performed vocally by that year’s winner of American Idol… everything is instant, except for the DMV which still takes, like, nine seconds… people no longer choose what music they like; appropriate music is assigned to them in accordance with their age, ethnicity, and socioeconomic standing… Kanye West is regarded as the hip-hop Jesus and roving street gangs of retarded, puffy-faced youths screech Gold Digger at the tops of their lungs, terrorizing the elderly... After future Greg delivered his warning he gave present-day Greg a yellow Gibson Les Paul; the only possession he took back in time with him… though such things have no value in the future, he told little Greg to take good care of it and use it to affect a positive change if he could. Greg held the guitar in his shaking hands and felt the awesome weight of a new found responsibility. He slowly turned it over, and on its back lay a gnarled inscription, as if carved by the bloody fingernails of tortured soul. “Fight the Days of Future Past” Other interesting facts about Greg: |
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